Okay, I’m a good southern girl. One of my DEA nicknames was “Swamp Rat”.* Summer heat and humidity, bring it on. Hell of a lot better than the bitter winter dryness. But even I have to call enough at some point. I imagine most of our readers are probably sick of hearing complaints about the heat; from what I understand if you live in North American you’re probably getting hammered with recockulous heat and have been for some time.
I really shouldn’t complain too much. Where I am we’ve only cracked 100 a couple times and I know it’s a lot worse in other places. My Aunt in Dallas has been nearly convinced to brave Virginia winters for the rest of her life just to avoid summers like this. For me it’s not so much the height of the mercury as the fact it won’t quit. Where I live it’s not unusual to have hot weather, but it usually cools off at night. Mornings are usually temperate. But lately when I leave my not really air conditioned apartment to go to my only slightly more air conditioned office I’m already dripping with sweat. How am I supposed to look like a dignified editor when I’m soaking wet and stinky?
And here’s what really gets me: it’s that Mother Nature is doing this to us after a bitter Winter full of snow and ice and a Spring full of tornados. Aren’t we entitled to at least one non-record breaking season? Can I please, please beg for a reasonable Fall? You people keep telling me that Mother Nature doesn’t really hate me, but the evidence seems to suggest otherwise. (I repeat: If it’s just that she has kinky ways of showing her affection can I please have a safe word?) Yes, yes, I know this is just her revenge for all the crap we do to the environment, but I didn’t do it! Please, Mother Nature, I’ll be good. I’ll campaign to make my county start recycling. I’ll do anything, just give us a break!
*If you’re wondering why I have a DEA nickname you’ll have to check out the tell all book I’m not actually writing I’m Not that Kind of Intern and Other Useful Spanish Phrases.