We are breaking in from our summer hiatus* to raise a glass in celebration of the Olympics. What better way to enjoy the opening ceremonies than with a nice cool beverage?
Answer: With a drinking game** to better tie together your Olympic viewing experience and that beverage.
For now, we’ll start with the obvious stuff for the Opening Ceremonies (about which we have read no spoilers, so these are predominantly born of brainstorms between the two of us on what we expect London to show us). Check back for more supplemental sections to enhance your viewing throughout this year’s games.
Take a drink if-
- In a non-Olympic year, you watch less than 4 sports events a year.
- The opening ceremonies will be the only think you actually watch from this sporting extravaganza (other than the closing ceremonies)
Parade of Nations:
Take a drink:
- Every time the commentators mention the political situation in the country that just entered.
- Every time a commentator trips over the name of a flag bearer.
- Every time they tell us a sob story about a flag bearer.
- Twice if it’s a sob story about the whole team.
- Every time they mention the whole “US uniforms made in China” scandal.
- Every time they mention a well known member of a country’s delegation who is not in attendance at the opening ceremonies.
- Every time you see an athlete on his/her cell phone
- If the Germans have ugly outfits. Again.
- Twice if anyone has outfits significantly uglier than the Germans.
- Three times if the Germans are actually stylin’
- If NBC cuts to commercial when your favorite country should be walking in and you have to kind of peer at the background the rest of the show, trying to pick them out. (Include swearing at NBC should you feel like it. I will.)
The Multimedia, Dancing, Musical with Flying and Flashing Lights Main Event:
Take a drink:
- Every time a Bobby or Palace Guard is represented in the program
- Every time the camera zooms in on a member of the royal family
- Twice if it’s a woman wearing a strange hat.
- If at any time in the show the Queen is mocked, chug every bit of alcohol you have in the house.
- Every time the camera zooms in on some other world leader
- Twice if said leader is clearly not paying attention.
- Every time a British landmark is represented
- Twice if it’s Big Ben.
- If the Beatles or any single member thereof is shown, featured or represented
- Three if you are not a fan of the Beatles.
- If Elton John is shown.
- Twice if he is actually part of the program. (Yeah, we know it’s inevitable).
- If a commentator mentions that this is a smaller production than Beijing. (No, shit. Really?)
- If there’s an aerial act (Also inevitable for everything post Albertville).
- If an adorable British girl sings a solo.
- And have a double bloody Mary tomorrow when it’s all over the news that she wasn’t actually the singer
- If a commentator makes a remark about Britain’s diverse population
- Twice if the commentator attributes this to the British Empire having subjugated peoples around the globe for hundreds of years….
- If something in the program involves a representation of a pastoral scene with a sheep.
- If any famous British literary figures are represented in the program.
- Twice if it’s Shakespeare.
- Three times if it’s Jane Austen.
- Finish your glass if it’s Tolkien.
- If there’s a Round Table.
- Twice if it’s part of an identifiable reference to Arthurian legend
Be advised, this list could grow real-time depending on what we see while actually watching this beast….
- SIP for everytime the NBC commentators make remarks that are way too negative/make you cringe for being American (SIP mind you, or you’ll be on the floor in no time)
- HOW did I forget to include the pastoral scene? Drink for that.
- Twice for any sheep you see