I am on a mission to find the perfect purse/handbag for my upcoming trip. I’ve been on this quest for about 3 weeks and I really don’t understand why makers of women’s handbags don’t just read my mind and make what I want.
Let’s start with what I want to carry: two relatively thin magazines, small notebook, a ballpoint pen, a trade paper-back, my phone, my passport, my keys, a hanky, money, credit cards, and an iPod nano. This is slightly more than I usually carry, and the magazines are what’s really keeping my current purse out of the running in the area of size. The hope is to have something smaller than my backpack in which everything I could really want to access during a long flight is included. I want my backpack in the overhead, and this under the seat so as to free-up foot room for me.
I’d hoped to find something relatively flat, that hands vertically more than horizontally. This is rant 1: Why must so many purses get their room from lying horizontally?!?!? This makes for a really awkward bag, in my opinion. When you’re walking through a crowd, rather than having something that matches to your side, you now have this extraneous mass both for and aft of you to get in the way and inadvertently smack other travelers. Fail!
When you do find one that hangs horizontally, they usually aren’t quite big enough for the magazines I’m looking for. They are either too narrow (a little horizontal is okay, guys, really!), or they are a little too shallow in their length. They usually aren’t off by much, but enough that you’d never get a copy of The Writer in comfortably without completely mangling the corners and such. Here comes rant 2: If you’re going to have a vertical hanging purse, why would you NOT make it big enough for a standard pad of paper or magazine?!?!? I can think of nothing that fits neatly into these longer-hanging bags that I found. It sits squarely in the too-small-for-a real-sheet-of-paper. So if you can’t carry a magazine in it…what the hell is the length for? You’ve just contributed to the universal bag-fail of everything winding up at the bottom of a deep pit. Only in this case, you made the pit deeper with no discernible benefit otherwise.
I reconciled myself to possibly having to move to something less ideal. More horizontal, perhaps. And rather than a purse with the built-in organizational compartments for ID, credit-cards, etc, I could possible settle for a less structured bag if I could find a good wallet with a wrist-band that would hold my money, credit-cards and had a place for my cell. This would allow me to jettison the bag after my flight and go with just the wrist-let and my camera case for outings in my destination. But this was going into 2 items to buy now, which is where we get rant 3: Price. Dear Lord. Nothing is going to make me spend $40 on a wallet with a wrist strap or $90 on a simple cloth bag. Especially not when the thing is so fugly I’d be embarrassed to be seen with it. Contributing to the ugliness is rant 4: Shininess and Bling. Dude. I don’t want my purses or wallets to be encrusted in rhinestones, shiny metal ornaments, chains, gold lame, or to be shiny patent leather. Ugh.
So much looking and failing to find what I liked softened me even to the ugly factor and somewhat to price, but that led to the final straw and rant 5: Brand name emblems. I’m highly not impressed by brands. I don’t know what MK or DB stand for, so having them emblazoned all over the already ugly and less-than-perfectly functional bag is just annoying (and ads to the ugly). Frankly, if I’m going to be the insane prices for some of this shit, then I feel like I should get a discount for the free advertising these manufacturers and designers get by me walking around with some huge metal decal slapped over the initialed fabric on the monstrosity.
With all the useless purses I’ve seen, you’d think my perfect bag would be there, but I’m fairly sure now that it doesn’t exist. I’ve got more rants than these (quality of fastening of the straps, type of straps involved, methods of closure…), but with the earlier fails already overwhelming the search, I’m thinking I may have to give up and reconcile myself to the backpack under the seat….