Tonight we are adding: People who cancel television shows prematurely/for stupid reasons/at stupid times.
Before you think this is nothing but a veiled reference to the cancelation of One Life to Live while it was the only soap opera whose ratings had been steadily climbing over the past year let me explain: This is absolutely a veiled reference to the cancelation of One Life to Live while it was the only soap opera whose ratings had been steadily climbing over the past year. But it’s about more than that. It’s about the people who put Firefly in a craptastic time slot and canceled it after half a season¹. It’s about those who canceled Farscape when it was the highest rated show on its channel. It’s about the assholes who canceled Veronica Mars (which I will admit had gone downhill) on a cliffhanger in order to bring us whatever crap it is that the CW brings us. It’s about asshats who canceled Remember WENN because even though it had viewers it didn’t have the viewers they wanted it to have².
For their heinous acts against fandom I place these sinners in the seventh layer of Hell, where I am devising very fitting punishments for them. They shall be strapped to uncomfortable chairs and forced to watch episodes of Two and a Half Men, Corner Gas, episodes of The X-Files featuring Agent Reyes, and the one bad episode of Battlestar Galactica (Yes, there was one though I think most of us choose to pretend it never happened) while Taylor Swift music plays and someone reads aloud the last chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And if they keep putting crap on my television I will simply add it to their eternal torments³. Because I feel it would be wrong to wish actual physical harm to any of these people, but for some reason I find no conflict in wishing an eternity of suffering upon them in the afterlife of my own little universe.