It's My TV….It's My Peanut Butter

I had some news at work today, which, due to my own rules about NOT revealing details of ye olde bill paying job, I can’t really go into.  Suffice it to say that a long standing issue (the stress from which has impacted me in a negative way and really does contribute to the volume of posts I neglect to make) has finally gone away.  It’s not the only issue or a fix all, but it’s a big one and it’s gone.  Tonight I drink beer, eat guacamole and celebrate!

The only thing missing from this resolution is Schadenfreude.  As with most issues, nasty human behavior was at the heart of this problem.  At many times over the past year, I’ve really felt myself wanting to see people taken  down a few pegs for their behavior.  I’ve always had a streak in me that was guilty of Schadenfreude, but this grew from an streak that I could either push down where no one would see, or which I could eventually talk myself out of (because, deep down, I know it’s mean of me to take delight in others’ suffering, even if they deserve it) into a monster.  Justice with a side of secret, guilty delight was no longer enough.   I’ve started to think I’m rotten to the core for not just wanting to know that some kind of  justice prevailed, but for wanting to witness it, enjoy it, bask in it.

Perhaps it’s Schadenfreude for someone else that I am denied the pleasure of seeing the fall I’ve been so eager to witness.  The resolution of the issue today comes about quietly, simply, and without the guilty party suffering at all.  I’m half relieved that I didn’t get sucked into the dark-side of celebrating while someone else suffered.  Maybe there’s hope for me to mend my black-hearted ways.

But then there’s the part that’s just feeling robbed of some serious joy and entertainment.

I’ve had to work most of this holiday.  Other than a reprieve on Thanksgiving itself to cook, eat and sort out holiday music, I’ve basically been plugging away on crap for that thing that pays the bills.

I’ve got the proverbial shit-ton of stuff I need to get done this weekend, but I’ve hit the equally proverbial wall.  Since I’ve been at this for more hours in the day than normal (given that I didn’t have to waste time getting up, getting ready and driving to and from work).  I can’t focus and I need a break.

So I’m throwing a hermit slumber party.

“WTF is that?” you ask.

It’s piling in on the sofa/floor/someplace not your usual bed with a stack of movies, blankets, ample snack-age and decked out in your fuzziest, most childish PJs….without the benefit of friends to keep you company.  With friends, this would just be slumber party, but without them….well, I still choose to view this as a celebratory event, but due to the solitary nature, the term “hermit” comes to mind.

On the one hand, yes, this is sad, pathetic…a total commentary on my social existence right now.  On the other hand, it is really, really uplifting to turn this into a mini-event.  Sure, there’s no one to paint my nails for me, or to play truth or dare….but I also don’t have to deal with drama over choosing the movies and no one will mock me when I continually jump a mile in the air while watching Zombieland, despite having seen it 5 times.  And no one will force me to confess (or do) anything embarrassing.

And on that note, I have to end this:  the oven timer just told me my roasted garbanzo beans are ready (seasoned with garlic and cayenne pepper), and the DVD is queued up to help refresh me on the rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse.