Toenail Polish Rebellion

I rarely ever paint my nails.  Once in a blue moon on a Sunday, I will put a coat of clear strengthener on if my nails are getting flimsy, or if I know I’m going to have my hands in water a lot.  I can’t recall the last time I voluntarily put colored polish on my nails.  I think I was in 9th grade.  Even then, the color was a reasonable shade of pink/mauve.  Nothing odd or flashy.  My nails, to put it bluntly, are very dull and I don’t mind that.

The toes, however, are another matter.

While it would be a cold day in hell before I would actually wear lime green on my fingers, I’m all for it on my toes.  My mother was astounded to see the bizarre variety of colors I’ve amassed over the years.  It wasn’t as large as what I’ve seen out of some people, but it was shocking because, well, you never see it.  She never expected I had much nail polish at all, let alone in such an odd array of colors.

It’s not that I polish my toes in the anticipation of wearing open toed shoes.  In general, outside of home or quick runs out to the store, I wear closed-toed shoes all day.  The summer sandals I wear to work were chosen for their toe concealing ability.  I loathe peep-toe heals.  I have no use for displaying my foot-digits to the world.

So why expend time and money to adorn them in fun colors?

Because I can.  For some people it’s the fun underwear that helps them rebel during the day, for me, it’s knowing that under my very neat little black Dansko sandals, half my toes are painted mint-green and the other half are purple.  I can paint the damned things in stripes if I want, or with the words “Fuck Off”  and the only person to know is me–and that amuses me greatly.

And when I get home and shuck the shoes (because, while I hate showing my toes in public, I’m all for going barefoot at home), I can look down and see that little bit of artistic expression that no one else suspects…..

Next project?  Color matching the scheme from the blog into Sally Hansen colors for an MTVMPB-style pedicure…..

Kristy Goes to the Golden Globes (via the magic of television)

Yes, this is three days late.  What?  You expect punctuality from us?

There are enough sites out there doing step-by-step run-downs of the show, the fashion, etc.  So instead we’re (and by “we” I mean “I” because apparently Cammy was an invalid and did not watch) just hitting highs and lows.  Things we would like more or less of at future awards shows.

Things we want less of:

Sound inconsistencies.  Get it together NBC.

Women in split-front dresses that they hold way too high as they walk on stage.  I was concerned I was going to see some of these ladies’ hoohahs.  And I don’t need that kind of anxiety.

Raiding the StarTrek:  The Original Series costume closet.  Anne Hathaway, Jane Fonda, I’m looking at you.

Nude colored dresses.  Seriously, they look good on just about no one.  I was set to ban them all together, but Scarlett Johansen pulled hers off well enough I’m willing to let others have a go at it, but I’m putting the color on notice.

Frankly, the whole monochromatic look altogether needs to be reconsidered by most who attempted it.  Naya Rivera from Glee was the only one I think totally pulled it off.  I’m going to have to ask that blonds realize it just will not work on them.

Nude lipstick.  I just think it makes most people look ill.  If you want subtle go with a neutral brown, plum or pale pink.

Heavy bangs.  Some things were best left in the 80s.  Yes, Sandra Bullock, I’m talking to you.

Visible nipples.  I know some people think they’re sexy, but I don’t.  Band-aids ladies.

Things we want more of:

Acceptance speeches that bring the funny:  “Holy f’in crap!”

Red ties.  Well played Robert Downey, Jr.

Helena Bonham Carter being her crazy assed self.  Because that was just so much fun.  Tilda Swinton please note:  this is how one does eccentric.

Color.  I liked the influx of forest green dresses this year, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like green (But let’s keep it to teal and forest, no olive.  Please.)  While we’re at it let’s do better things with the color red.  And what about some blue?

Women with curves.  After seeing so many women who clearly hadn’t eaten in weeks we get the luscious Sofia Vergara.  And which look is sexier?  Seriously.

The saloon girl look.  I love it.  Christina Aguilera and some chick I’ve never heard of did it very well.

Grown up women winning awards.  There were quite a few this year and I enjoyed that.

Helen Mirren.  Don’t we all need more Helen Mirren in our lives?