It's My TV….It's My Peanut Butter

If you were waiting last night for our weekly Downton Redux, you were disappointed. I doubt this actually happened to anyone seeing as I don’t think we have many readers who don’t follow me on twitter, and I spent a good chunk of time whining about this on twitter. My DVR has been acting squirrely for weeks. I knew it was going to need to be replaced. When it crashed on Thursday night, deleting all my recordings for the second time in two weeks, I knew it needed to be replaced soon. But I was leaving town Friday morning and I was able to get it back online, so I figured I’d deal with it another time. When I got back on Saturday night it needed to be reset twice, but each time came online without deleting anything. And I was tired, so I did nothing about it. I had to reset it again on Sunday, but I was still tired and my vertigo had returned. And once again, I was able to get it working again. I was even able to watch things I had recorded on it. I decided to call AT&T on Monday.

About 6:00pm it started making a funny noise (I wasn’t watching TV at the moment) and I realized it needed to be reset again. Only this time restarting it didn’t work. I tried resetting the gateway it connects to and that didn’t help. Then I tried unplugging it and resetting everything. Usually that wipes my DVR but gets it going again. Not this time. I went to online customer service (AT&T has recently made the phone number for customer service nearly impossible to find). The man on the other end of our chat talked me through restoring my DVR to factory settings. This still did nothing. He informed me that he would send someone out to repair/replace it and the earliest time slot available was 8:00am on Monday morning (due to my work schedule we had to schedule a much later one, but that’s not relevant to the story.)

And that’s when the nagging fear I’d had since Saturday night became a reality. I would not get to watch the Downton Abbey Christmas special when it came on at 9:00pm. Yes, it would later be available online. Yes, my friend J who lives across town and currently owes me some serious karma already has the DVDs and I could borrow it from him. Yes, my mother bought me the DVDs as a thank you for introducing her to the series and for paying off my car early and will probably get them to me by this weekend. No, it was not the end of the world in any way.

But I still sat down and sobbed. Then I realized it was stupid to cry over such a trivial thing when there are so many worse things going on in the world. Heck, there are many worse things going on in my life. This only made me cry harder.

You have to understand I am having the semester from hell. In the past couple weeks I have been reminded/realized 1) that I am a tiny insignificant cog in an overworked system 2) my staff sucks and I have to do all of their jobs 3) I have been screwed over by my committee 4) I will probably not get to take my qualifying exams this semester as planned 5) I am really not all that smart, and that might be an impediment in my chosen career path.  Add to that a severe case of vertigo.

In the midst of all that, the one bright spot has been Downton Abbey. It’s the only show on television I look forward to watching. It’s also the only time in the week I stop multitasking. Any other television I watch while grading papers, sending emails, cooking/eating meals, working out, etc. But for the past several weeks on Sunday night I take my shower early, fix myself a cup of tea or a glass of wine or both, and sit on my couch in my jammies with my kitty on my lap and lose myself in a delicious bit of fluff.

Last night that opportunity was taken away from me. And, naturally, I did the neurotic grad student thing of telling myself it was because I don’t deserve to relax like that. I have too much work to do to spend two hours watching television unless I’m also doing something productive. This was probably the judgment of the universe punishing me for being a slacker. I hadn’t been as productive Sunday morning as I could have—this was my punishment. Hell, if I had just had the initiative to contact AT&T in the morning I might have been able to get it fixed earlier. I had only myself to blame.

In the end it’s still not the end of the world. Some very sweet stranger on Twitter let me know I could watch on YouTube, quickly adding a note that he would ordinarily not endorse such a thing, but he recognized it was a major emergency. It was bizarrely touching. And since I knew I was useless for grading papers (I would have failed everyone) I decided to indulge a little bit. Not trusting the image quality on YouTube I decided to rewatch last week’s episode on PBS.com. I didn’t relax the whole time—I was periodically minimizing it so I could print today’s attendance sheets, packing everything I would need for today at work, and organizing the papers I was not going to grade until today. But I also relaxed some. I drank a cup of tea and a glass of wine. I ate a Reese’s peanut butter egg that’s been in my freezer since last Easter. I looked though my cookbooks for my next ice cream recipe.

And the upshot is that next Sunday, when I otherwise would have had to deal with the reality of no Downton till next year, I can lounge on my couch and relax one last time.

I thought about coming up with something creative to post about, but I have a migraine that I’ve had on and off since Friday. So we’re just going to stick with reactions to our British import obsession.

I just really don’t know what to think about Isobel this season. Last season I really liked her. This season I really don’t. I’m thrilled she’s going to help the refugees though I worry every time she leaves she’s going to croak and everyone will have to feel guilty. Not to mention it will screw with our survival odds.

I’m not sure how I felt about the Patrick thing. I know, as a soap fan I should be behind any plot that involves amnesia and people coming back from the dead. But… I’m not sure I am.

I kinda need them to stop kicking Edith in the shins. I don’t love her, but seriously? Is this necessary?

I know I’m probably the only one, but I kinda want more Sibyl and Branson.

I’m kind of sad we aren’t seeing as much of the sweetness in Robert and Cora’s marriage as we saw last season.

I feel genuinely bad for Daisy. They spent a season teaching the poor girl about honesty and integrity and then told her it only mattered some of the time. You can’t do that to a girl. Especially one as simple as Daisy.

Oh Matthew… I simultaneously want to hug him and push his chair into something hard.

Lady Violet is totally who I want to be when I grow up.

I knew Vera was going to be dead. I knew it! Who killed Vera? Cammy did, obviously.

Would we drink coffee with Maggie Smith?

Kristy: My first instinct was, “Holy crap, of course!” But then I thought about it and I’m not sure. I mean, I love this woman’s work. In everything I’ve ever seen her in she has this magical way of standing out without making the whole thing all about her. She steals scenes while still being a giving actress and that’s a rare talent. And yes, she keeps getting cast as the same character over and over again, I don’t care. She does it better than anyone else. And I love that even though she sometimes plays a raging bitch, she often plays strong characters. So on the one hand, I would totally buy her coffee. On the other hand, I’d be a little intimidated to sit down with her. Also, I have a hard time picturing her drinking coffee–if she drinks a hot beverage it’s hard to imagine it being anything other than tea. But if she does drink coffee, I suppose I’ll screw my courage up because I don’t think I could live with knowing I’d turned down such an opportunity.

Cammy:  For bringing life to a long list of awesome characters, I feel I owe her whatever the hell beverage she wants.  I mean, she is the screen embodiment of Professor McGonagall!  And need we even discuss the awesomeness of Lady Violet?  But, like Kristy, the intimidation factor is up there, not the least because most of what I know of her is the characters–and that’s not who we’re drinking with.  Being the more chicken-shit of the two of us, I’ll let Kristy be the brave one who actually sits down.  Me?  I’ll just help make sure they’re at the best table in the house and that the tab is open for whatever beverages are required.

In case you aren’t catching onto the theme here, you can pretty much guarantee that we’re going to be talking Downton on Sunday nights from now until Series 2 ends later in February.  Apologies to those who don’t give a damn (or are avoiding spoilers)

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Well if Cammy gets to post about Downton Abbey when it’s her Sunday to post, I feel it’s only fair I can do the same. After all, I recommended the series to her. And my mind can be just as one tracked as hers.

As a friend of mine just posted on Facebook, this show will give me high blood pressure before all is said and done. Ay ay ay.

Isobel was annoying the crap out of me last week, but I can’t help but feel a little bad for her at the start of this one now that she has suddenly become redundant. Still, running off to France when there’s, you know, a war there, seems a bit extreme. And more than a bit passive aggressive. Who knew she was Southern?

I can’t quite make up my mind about Edith these days. She’s gone from object of pity to bitch to homewrecker to … almost too damn good to be likeable. Either she’s fickle or I am. But as Lady Violet would say, I’m a woman, so I’m allowed.

Lord Grantham seems to be playing the role I expected Bates to play this season—all frustrated and feeling useless.  I just want to hug him.

Mary… well she’s just so darn British and high class. I both love her for the stupid things she does and want to throttle her for them. But she’s growing, I guess.

Speaking of growing up… Sibyl. Let’s be honest about something. Sixteen year old me desperately wants to be Lady Sibyl. She lives in a big house, has fabulous clothes, gets to act morally superior and has an Irish revolutionary in love with her. She even has the cool mythological name. Come on! What more could you want? So… yes, I get why other people find her annoying. Sixteen year old me was rather annoying too. And sixteen year old me requires that I love her.

On the topic of Branson, I’m increasingly less certain of his death. William’s too. Not that I’m convinced either will survive at this point, but I’m mentally readjusting the odds.

Bates and Anna fill me with simultaneous squees and dread. Vera’s clearly not done yet.

I’m sure a lot of people are going to hate the little lapse into musical, but it filled me with joy like few moments on television have.  Can this show get any more delicious?

It’s really just not a good thing when my night to post coincides with Downton Abbey.  My tendency to have a one-track mind means that about the only thing I’m mentally capable of is gushing like a pre-teen at, well, whatever flavor-of-the-week-shit-music is en vogue.

So let’s just get on with this, eh?

Please note, spoilers (or potential spoilers, depending on how much you can get out of Cammy’s bizarre rambling comments) beyond this point!

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Kristy: We realize that the second season (or should I say “series”–is that “correct” or just pretentious?) of Downton Abbey has already aired in the UK and that many of our readers have likely watched it online through somewhat illegal means, but we had talked about this feature a while back and decided we wanted to go with it. The idea is to place odds on the characters that we love (or love to hate) surviving this year on our delicious British confection.

I have done my best to avoid spoilers for the second season–I did happen upon a description of the Christmas special which makes it clear that at least two characters survive until then, but they weren’t characters I ever considered likely to perish anyway.  I also had a dream where I was talking to friend of the blog Christina and her lovely wife. In the dream they and I lamented the fact that the show had killed Henry.  Now I have no clue who Henry is, but on at least one occasion in my life I have managed to dream eerily accurate spoilers for a show, so I thought I’d go ahead and mention it in case Henry actually exists.

Cammy: For the record, in the event that Downton Abbey does manage to introduce a character named Henry this season, and if he also dies this season, I will see to it that Kristy gets an awesome prize for her powers of prognostication.

Moving on…

Robert

Kristy:  Well… anytime a story hinges on who will inherit an estate, you have to suspect that the current owner may pass away before all is said and done.  But aside from that I see no major black clouds hanging over his head, narratively speaking.  If he does die I would expect it to be very close to the end of the season.  Death odds: 1:4

Cammy: I second this.  I think it’s more than likely that Lord Grantham will stick around safely for the entire season–and probably into the next.

Lady Violet

Kristy:  Well… she’s old.  that alone raises her odds.  But she’s a tough old bird. Death odds: 1:10

Cammy: I’d put that at even better odds for the gal: 1:200.  This gal will outlive them all–and be highly displeased when she’s been left alone.

Bates

Kristy: I’m fairly certain he will live, if for no other reason than so that he can feel guilty over his inability to go to war.  Death odds: 1:100

Cammy: Second this call.  Not only will he have guilt over his inability to go to war, he’s got all that other seemingly needless guilt he’s been toting around.  That said, if he can find a way to get himself to the front lines, he will get his ass killed trying to spare someone else in some kind of karmic payment plan, however due to the low odds of his finding a way to the front lines, I think he’s safe at that 1:100.

O’Brien

Kristy: If she dies the only way I see it happening is at her own hands. Woman is (for good reason) carrying some serious guilt. Not sure I see that as very likely, but wouldn’t rule it out.  Death odds: 1:10

Cammy: Disagree in part here.  While I agree that the only way it would happen is at her own hands, I really don’t think the odds of her having the guts to do it are 1:10.  I’m putting her at 1:50.

Thomas

Cammy:  While it would make me no end of happy to have Thomas shuffle loose the mortal coil, his close kinship to cockroaches makes it sadly unlikely that he will bite it.  No, he’ll be lingering around to make others miserable for a while yet.  Right up to the point where it’s just him and Lady Violet.   At which point, she will destroy him with her masterful Dowager Countess Superpowers of nagging and insults. 1:1000

Kristy: As Cammy said, he’s a cockroach.  I’m nearly certain he’ll pull through. Death odds: 1:1000

William

Cammy:  This poor boy has “Ensign Ricky” written all over him.  Thomas had it right when he called this poor kid “cannon fodder.”  Odds 1:2

Kristy:  Again, to cite Cammy, the boy might as well be wearing red shirt.  It’s gonna break my heart, but things don’t look good for him. Death odds: 1:2

Branson

Kristy: Let’s be clear: if this were an American television show, I’d picture a happy ending for him and Sibyl. One where they overcome the strong objections of her family (and possibly his) and a multitude of social morays. But this show is British, and they realize that class and ethnic differences are not always so easily overcome. I hear “Irish nationalist” and “WWI” and I think “Easter Monday Rebellion.”  Which, more or less, makes him a goner.  Though I’m not ruling out a storyline where he deserts, refusing to serve in the British army, and Sibyl winds up hiding him somewhere.  Death odds: 1:3

Cammy: I’ll second this one, although I think we can blame as much of his potential demise on Sybil as on his Irish Radical origins.  Since Sybil is left out of the dirty war going on between her older sisters, she doesn’t have enough pure “suck” in her life.  It’s time for a bit of misery to greet the youngest daughter.

Sibyl

Kristy: She’s the only one of the Crawley girls I’m really worried about.  It’s way to easy to see her doing something brave but stupid and winding up dead.  Death odds: 1:6

Cammy:  Not sure I’d put it at quite 1:6, maybe 1:10, but I certainly agree with Kristy that she’s the Crawley girl to worry about, particularly if she has to deal with Branson kicking the bucket.

Anna

Cammy:  I’m kinda worried about this girl.  For one thing, I’m not entirely sure she’s not going to get thrown under the bus when someone finally tries to claim that Mr. Pamook’s death was murder.  That said, I somehow doubt this will wind up happening and if it does, I don’t know if they could manage and entire investigation, arrest, conviction, sentencing and execution in this one season, so she’s probably still pretty safe. 1:15

Old Mr. Mosely

Cammy:  Okay, this is another one that is solely me.  And it will never be proven, but I’m 100 percent sure that Old Mr. Mosely will die. He has nothing left to live for after winning that flower show.  It’s all done.  Of course, since we haven’t seen him since the flower show and I’m just as sure we’ll never see him on-screen again, there’s no way to prove that he’s not 6 feet under.  How sure am I?  Sure enough that if he DOES show up onscreen again, I will dye my hair.

Kristy: Everyone else (with the exception of some minor characters here and there) I feel fairly confident will pull through.  I was worried about Gwen, but I’m not sure she even appears in this season. If Joss Whedon were writing this, she’d be killed in a bombing a week after starting her dream job. But thankfully he isn’t. And this is a period drama, not Lost so they can’t kill everyone.

Among the 1001 other apologies I need to make to y’all, gentle readers, please include this apology for not posting the follow up to the BBC Costume Drama Matriarch Cage Match scenario.

If you will recall, we asked that you ponder how circumstances would play out if you pitted Mrs. Hannah Thornton (aka John Thornton’s Mom) from North and South, the Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (aka Lady Violet, aka Cousin Violet, aka OMGIt’sMaggieSmith!) from Downton Abbey, and Lady Catherine DeBourgh (aka Her Ladyship) from Pride and Prejudice (90s Colin Firth version) against one another American Gladiator-Style.  Who comes out victorious?

Before I posted the scenario, Kristy and I had already noodled our version of the answer.  I originally threw the case to Kristy who responded with the following theorized outcome:

Mrs. Thornton definitely.  Lady Violet will be the first knocked down, not because she’ll be the worst fighter, but because Lady Catherine will feign ignorance and stand there looking at her giant q-tip saying, “Good heavens!  What are these for?”  Meanwhile Lady Violet and Mrs. Thornton will attack without hesitation, but Mrs. Thornton has the advantages of being somewhat younger and of a past that involved more physical labor.  Lady Catherine will try a sneak attack right after Lady Violet falls, but Mrs. Thornton doesn’t trust anyone so she’ll be ready for it.  And again, same advantages.

For the most part, I concurred, although, I did counter with a slightly different suggestion:

…in an alternate scenario, I could Violet falling second–if she got the first blow in (which, you know she’d go for Lady Catherine because it would be her only guaranteed hit–Violet’s smart enough to know Mrs. T is going to be a challenge).  After that, it could be a far more interesting (and marginally better matched) competition with Violet and Mrs. T.  Though, for all the reasons you mentioned, Mrs. T. is a guaranteed winner, I think.

A big shout out to Miss Mary, the only one of y’all with the cajones to attempt to present a play by play.  If you’ve not read her analysis, it really is amazing.  At the time, Mary had not yet seen North and South, so Hannah Thornton was left out of her analysis (she has since filled this gap….and berated us for not having told her to watch this sooner.  I owe her beer for not telling her sooner).  Despite this, it’s still way better than the short back-and-forth Kristy and I had volleyed around:

As for Lady C and Countess V…things could get interesting.

I imagine that Lady C would have Countess V over for tea with Mr. Collins in attendance to talk up the glories of Rosings. Countess V would appear suitably awed by the window glazing but then expound on the elegance of Downton. The conversation comes to a grinding halt and only noise heard in the room is the tea service and the audible breathing of Mr. Collins. Lady C, hostess and not one disposed to give up hometurf advantage, has positioned herself within the room to take full advantage of the light in displaying her gemmed finery. Countess V observes this and moves to walk about the room to shine the light on her Victorian broaches, along the way she compliments Lady C on her fine flower arrangements, but, of course, her roses are nothing to those grown and enjoyed at Downton. Mr. Collins begins to reconsider his safety and starts wondering, for the first time in his sycophantic existence, if he can leave without Lady C’s permission. Threatened, Lady C moves to action and starts a discussion of music. Seated at the pianoforte, she puzzles out the tune of chopsticks and pretends the instrument is out of tune. Countess V, hearing nothing wrong with the instrument, takes her seat at the instrument and plinks out the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with her index finger, all the while muttering the count. Mr. Collins inches closer to the door. Lady C has reached her limit, pretending to ring for a servant, she rips off a broach and sends it flying at Countess V, who ducks behind a chair just in time. It’s on. Mr. Collins fleas for his life as the jewelrey, hats, wraps, hairpieces, and tchotchke go flying. Countess V wins this round with a half nelson 23 minutes into the fight. She smooths her dress, finds her hat, and gives Lady C a kick to the stomach on her way out the door, thanking her for the hospitality and inviting her to tea at Downton. Her tea, of course, is both Earlier and Greyier than Lady C’s, but she’ll have to come and try it herself. Mr. Collins is seen slinking about the bushes as Coutess V exits the grounds.

And for this, we at My Tv, My Peanut Butter are totally giving Mary a prize.  Not sure WHAT the prize is yet, but she’s getting one.  Because that totally made me laugh and shoot Dr. Pepper out my nose.  Even if Mary hadn’t been the only respondent, that one would have been tough to beat.  But for Mary’s sake, we’re going to hope that Mrs. Thornton never finds out she wasn’t named the victor.  She’s kinda scary, ya kn0w?

Gee, Dowager Countess, I’m not sure I know what a “week end” is either*.  While the unbearable dullness of paying calls to the same people, dining in the same circles, and making the same complaints about one’s staff would definitely yield a week that seems never ending, so too does returning to one’s corner of the cube farm to bask in the glow of monitors shining multi-layered spreadsheets for 7 days straight.

I think ol’ Lady Grantham got the better end of the deal with her reasons for confusion over this “week end” concept.  It’s like we’re in the same boat, but she’s first class and I’m crammed in next to the boiler pipes. And the ship is probably the Titanic.

(Thus goeth my excuse for missing Friday’s post.  Worked late.  Then worked some more and if you think Sunday was a day of rest, au contraire my Freunden….Now I face the horror of returning yet again bright and early tomorrow.)

*Apologies to the non Downton Abbey viewing set who do not get this reference.

For an appallingly long time, Kristy and I have entertained ourselves and others by starting discussions over the potential outcomes of fictitious cage-matches between characters, actors, random people we met at college….For the most part, you should imagine these matches in terms of American Gladiator, preferably the bit with the giant Q-Tip® things, although now and then the individuals and circumstance call for something a bit more violent and painful (or useless and stupid).

It’s been a while since we last engaged in this kind of speculation, but it came up in an e-mail chain last week (taken directly from the e-mail in which I posed this to Kristy):

Lady Catherine DeBourgh, Mrs. Thornton (aka, John’s Mom), and Lady Violet Crawley go at it Amer, er British Old-Lady Gladiator style.  Three will enter, only one will emerge victorious…..Discuss.

For those who are not so disturbingly acquainted with BBC costume dramas, that would be:

Lady Catherine DeBourgh from Pride & Prejudice

Mrs. Hannah Thornton from North and South

And the Dowager Countess Violet Crawley from Downton Abbey

All three are formidable, potentially scary, definitely overbearing gals.   Is it a balanced match which will drag on in agony, or is there a clear winner to dispatch the other two back to their needlework and smelling salts?

We challenge YOU to bring your comments.  Hit us with your take on the way this plays out.  We have our own discussion which we’ll share later this week….but the game’s more fun with others contributing.