Sydney Style Memo

Attention men of Sydney:

You have officially surpassed all recommended per capita limits on males wearing girly pants.  For the record, the tapered leg look is a bad idea generally, so to allow more than half your male population to go about thus attired does nothing to improve my view of your city.  Guys should not be wearing their girlfriends’ pants. Ever.  The 80s are over, and “Don’t You Forget About Me” May be a fantastic song, but it’s no justification for reviving those tapered legs.

For a town that is otherwise so trendy that they should have stopped my fashion-fail ass at the airport, the men here are taking “metro” to new and terrifying levels with sadly NOT attractive results.  I am fairly certain judgement on my outfits and hair are passed more by the men than the women ( I am beneath the notice of the Sydney female set, all of whom appear to be petite and can bra shop wherever they want–If they see me, they assume I am a figment of an alcohol soaked mind, for surely nothing so chubby and worn down could be real), though I am not sure where they get off with those critical looks when they are wearing shirts that look like they are made from my grandma’s old house dresses and scarves from the ladies accessories section.

Presentation Style

I promise, barring a conference emergency, this is my last conference related post for a while.  But I thought it might be of interest to some of our readers to hear my strategies for conference presentations.  Or more to the point, how vapid and superficial I can be.

Now professional conferences are a chance for working scholars to share and get feedback on their research.  It’s how you find out what’s going on in the cutting edge of your field.  It’s also a chance to hear leaders in your field, which can be incredibly inspiring (and provide connections for future jobs).

But I’m not leader in my field.  My research isn’t particularly cutting edge.  And a lot of the times it’s on a somewhat obscure subject.  I could beat myself up over all this stuff, but the truth is, there’s a limit to how much control over all that I have.  So my strategy is twofold:  I try to insert humor whenever possible and I make sure I look cute (as cute as I can… I’m not saying I’m all that).

The second part was advice from one of my advisers (who I must say, practices what she preaches).  The first part is… well you know I like the funny.  I think “If you can’t be interesting, be funny” are words to live by.  And I try to.  I discovered today that my friend J follows a similar strategy.  When I commented on what a bad strategy it might be, he said, “Look the bottom line is, at a certain point during conferences where people lose their ability to process theoretical material.  But they can always tell whether your blazer fits and your shoes are snazzy.”  (Honestly, I think there are a lot of people out there who don’t notice what anyone’s wearing, but that’s another matter).

Truth be told, I don’t know if any of this works on my audience.  But I know that it works on me.  I’m much more comfortable being funny than being deep.  And wearing a cute pair of tights, snazzy heels and a nice pencil skirt really does make me stand a little taller. Literally and figuratively.  It makes me more comfortable up there, which probably makes me more articulate.  And maybe, just maybe makes me more fun to listen to.

Or maybe not.  This year an older gentleman began snoring loudly during my paper.  But at least that brought the funny.

Kristy Goes to the Golden Globes (via the magic of television)

Yes, this is three days late.  What?  You expect punctuality from us?

There are enough sites out there doing step-by-step run-downs of the show, the fashion, etc.  So instead we’re (and by “we” I mean “I” because apparently Cammy was an invalid and did not watch) just hitting highs and lows.  Things we would like more or less of at future awards shows.

Things we want less of:

Sound inconsistencies.  Get it together NBC.

Women in split-front dresses that they hold way too high as they walk on stage.  I was concerned I was going to see some of these ladies’ hoohahs.  And I don’t need that kind of anxiety.

Raiding the StarTrek:  The Original Series costume closet.  Anne Hathaway, Jane Fonda, I’m looking at you.

Nude colored dresses.  Seriously, they look good on just about no one.  I was set to ban them all together, but Scarlett Johansen pulled hers off well enough I’m willing to let others have a go at it, but I’m putting the color on notice.

Frankly, the whole monochromatic look altogether needs to be reconsidered by most who attempted it.  Naya Rivera from Glee was the only one I think totally pulled it off.  I’m going to have to ask that blonds realize it just will not work on them.

Nude lipstick.  I just think it makes most people look ill.  If you want subtle go with a neutral brown, plum or pale pink.

Heavy bangs.  Some things were best left in the 80s.  Yes, Sandra Bullock, I’m talking to you.

Visible nipples.  I know some people think they’re sexy, but I don’t.  Band-aids ladies.

Things we want more of:

Acceptance speeches that bring the funny:  “Holy f’in crap!”

Red ties.  Well played Robert Downey, Jr.

Helena Bonham Carter being her crazy assed self.  Because that was just so much fun.  Tilda Swinton please note:  this is how one does eccentric.

Color.  I liked the influx of forest green dresses this year, and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like green (But let’s keep it to teal and forest, no olive.  Please.)  While we’re at it let’s do better things with the color red.  And what about some blue?

Women with curves.  After seeing so many women who clearly hadn’t eaten in weeks we get the luscious Sofia Vergara.  And which look is sexier?  Seriously.

The saloon girl look.  I love it.  Christina Aguilera and some chick I’ve never heard of did it very well.

Grown up women winning awards.  There were quite a few this year and I enjoyed that.

Helen Mirren.  Don’t we all need more Helen Mirren in our lives?