Where the Hell Have We Been?

We’re back for real, gentle readers.  As you can see, we’re trying to placate you by trying out new themes.  We’re also going to make fabulous promises of more entertaining content coming in the steady stream which we’ve Epic!Failed on this summer.

So what the hell have we been up to on our summer vacations?  While we’re not ready to turn those essays in, we do have a list of reasons you’ve been deprived of our drivel.

Among the excuses we have for having been absent for so many months:

  • Potential moves
  • Actual moves
  • Potential new jobs
  • Actual new jobs
  • Super-heroine training exercise
  • Super-heroine internship
  • Vacationing in rural Uruguay
  • Laid up with a bout of depression over the lack of Downton Abbey
  • Trips to Texas
  • Trips to Virginia
  • Living life as Renaissance alter-ego
  • Home invaded by Australians
  • Attempting to re-learn Spanish
  • Designing a highly energy efficient straw-bale hacienda
  • Sewing ugly skirts
  • Plotting total global domination
  • Tabling global domination plot until after the final capitulo of favorite telenovela
  • Writing a soap opera
  • International arms dealing
  • Environmentally friendly arms dealing
  • Just dealing
  • Writing Amazon and iTunes to convince them to offer Claudia Jung mp3s
  • Circulating petitions for a Constitutional Amendment requiring Senators and Congressmen to pass an entrance exam before being allowed to serve (to include questions on where babies come from)
  • Wine tasting in the Midwest
  • Lobbying the IOC to have channel surfing included as an Olympic sport
  • Road trippin’
  • Getting tipsy while watching the Opening Ceremonies
  • Installing new head units in cars
  • Installing new speakers in cars
  • Job hunting
  • Hiding from roofers
  • Cat therapy
  • Fountain pen maintenance
  • Rain dances to end the Midwest Drought
  • Spotting El Chupacabra
  • Inspiring action-adventure series about cryptid encounters
  • Entertaining people recovering from surgery
  • Celebrating 3rd year anniversary in bill-paying-job
  • Trying to learn to dance via a Nintendo Wii
  • Failing to learn to dance from a Nintendo Wii
  • Exploring ex-pat possibilities
  • Marveling that Richard Armitage can make a dwarf look hot.
  • Contemplating taking up archery
  • Deep discussions of the telenovela as a storytelling format
  • Becoming Pen-pals with Angela Merkel
  • Assembling flow-charts to assist Greece with their economic crisis
  • Teaching American politicians what a flow-chart is
  • Rating the fabric selections of various fabric store chains
  • Thai food consumption
  • Observing really ugly hats
  • Plotting fund-raising efforts to buy all rights to Remember WENN and arrange a DVD release
  • Eating kolaches
  • Designing a fabric line
  • Aerial tours of Kansas City in a flying VW Bug
  • Evaluating paper quality of composition books
  • Red-lining the Federal Budget
  • Curing the common cold
  • Planning dance choreography for a bio-engineered penguin army
  • 12-step Program for Telenovela Addiction
  • Recovering after face nommed off by a cat
  • Stopping stupid
  • Evading capture for methods used to stop stupid
  • Financing the purchase of the Maritime Provinces from Canada
  • Berating Prince Harry for his photo issues
  • Re-learning to fly
  • Reading all of the things
  • Watching YouTube tutorials to achieve Aliya Mustafina eyes
  • Face planting in front of large audience
  • Getting mixed up with an Olympic diver
  • Eating fire
  • Rolling eyes at Al Trautwig
  • Watching three different broadcasts of the same Olympic event
  • Hating anthropology
  • Rediscovering the awesomeness of early 00s Latin Pop
  • Upping historical Mormon location visitation cred
  • Singing the entirety of Les Miserables twice in one day
  • Obsessing over already dated memes
  • Having black thumb surgically amputated

Of course, which of us did which of these things, and which might be total lies?  Well, that’s why you have to come back and keep reading, right?

Stay tuned, kids, this time we’re back for real.

“We will draw the curtain and show you the picture.”

Happy Twelfth Night!

We’re back from our holiday hiatus with New Year’s Resolutions to keep up with our posts (okay, so, that’s one of my resolutions, Kristy kept up with hers so it would be a kinda moot resolution for her…). Honestly, we might have started up a little sooner, but we have an appreciation for holidays that get neglected in the US, and poor Twelfth Night makes the list.  One more wasted opportunity for food, drink and revelry.  Sad, really.  So, re-starting on Twelfth Night is our virtual attempt at bringing the wassail back.

I don’t know what holidays are coming to.  First the Christians come along and co-opt the pagan fun.  Then market forces and greed co-opt what little fun the Christians left.  Federal holidays get consolidated and ignored by everyone but government employees and banks.  I looked at my work calendar for this year and my face fell when I realized that December 30, 2011 was to be my last holiday until Memorial Day 2012.  Seriously? What happened to those presidents with birthdays in there?  MLK?  Something?  Not that any of those were exactly the kind of holidays that called for drinking, stuffing one’s face and generally living it up, but a day without work has a better chance at wacky fun than an average work day.

There’s a topic that would win some points with me in the upcoming presidential rat-race.  I want a candidate who’ll advocate for a few more national holidays.  The opportunity for bi-partisan compromise on that one is just golden.

Of course, more holidays would likely result in more needless hiatuses on our part…..


A Brief Hiatus

Owing to:

1) Travel

2) Visitors

3) End of term stuff

4) Work

Kristy and Cammy are taking a brief hiatus.  They will return shortly with content that will be much better written than anything they scribble out in the midst of real life chaos.  Consider this a public service.

Best Regards,

The Management

The Spoiler In the Hiatus

It seems like just yesterday (or maybe more like just last week) that I was posting about the impending end of the TV season.  And yet, here we are on the cusp of a new fall season.  As usual we take stock of which of our favorites survived the cut, although, unlike the pre-net days, we all pretty well know who’s dead long before they start firing up the season premiere previews.

My favorites fared quite well.  No losses.  And while I’m glad for the comeback of Castle on Monday, and new Big Bang Theory (though I HATE its new time-slot), I’m most stoked about Bones returning on Thursday (hence my hating the Big Bang Theory move–I still don’t have a DVR and now I have to figure out how to handle this).

I’ve already been spoiled for the big stuff coming into the new Bones season.  I’m no spoiler-phobe (and fear not, I’m not actually revealing the spoiler here if you ARE a spoiler-phobe), but I actually decided at the end of last season I wasn’t going to actively go out and seek hints as I so often do.  Unfortunately, I finally realized that my method of coping with the summer hiatus is directly linked to the reason I always wind up caving and reading spoiler blogs:  fanfiction.

Yes, my Secret Heresy is my primary coping mechanism for the lack of new episodes.  It’s particularly comforting right after those cliff-hangery finales.  Seeing how other people write characters out of those corners they were placed in by show creators is enjoyable as hell to me.  But–and this has gotten worse as spoiler blogs have become more prevalent–by about a month after the finale, you start to notice a pattern to all the post-finale fic.  Certain ideas and themes show up in one too many fics to be a coinky-dink.  At first you try to write it off as The Universal Unconscious working at peak efficiency.  But then you realize that none of the other indicators of The Universal Unconscious are showing up (like mentions of Little Richard).  If you’re really dense, you can skim past it, but most of us start to realize there’s a grain of truth out there somewhere.  A spoilerly grain of truth.  , I usually find myself driven to go out to my favorite purveyor of spoiler goodness and pick up the fix I know is waiting for me.

And so it went with Bones.  By July I knew at least the highlights of what is going to hit me Thursday.  And even if I hadn’t gone out to that spoiler blog, the dearth of fics on the subject would have been enough.  It’s a good thing that I don’t get hives over spoilers like some folks.  But I feel for them.  What do you do on a hiatus when you are allergic to spoilers?  How can you get your fanfic-fix?

Of course, the soothing effects of that fix have diminished.  By this point in the summer break we have hit the wall.  The spoiler topic has saturated everything, and it’s not even being handled well anymore.  You’re left with the trite, fluffy, shippery drivel which has extended out to chapter 37 with that Dickensian desperation to milk just one more chapter out of a story that should have been put out of its misery in the first paragraph.

It no longer matters that I know something of what will hit me on Thursday–because at least it won’t be another bad fic…..or will it be?