It's My TV….It's My Peanut Butter

Would we drink coffee with Simon Bolivar?

Kristy:  Sure.  I have a weakness for revolutionaries.  And as revolutionaries go, Simon was kind of an overachiever.  Most freedom fighters are contented with liberating one country, but no, this man had to liberate the greater part of a continent.  On the other hand, he proved largely ineffective at governing.  Perhaps meeting him face to face would shed some light on that?  I’d be interested to hear what he thinks of later political developments in Latin America and maybe even elsewhere.  Mostly I’d just like to meet him to put a fleshed out face with the name.  You can’t study Latin America without coming across the name again and again, and I’d like to know what the real man was like.  Also… you know… they say he was skilled at liberating countries from the Spanish and women from their corsets.

Cammy:  Well, given that Kristy and I once conjured up a mythical Trek franchise focused on the Federation Starship Bolivar (the top Starfleet Academy grads wind up on the Enterprise.  Where do the slackers at the bottom go?  The Bolivar.  What we lack in accomplishment, we make up for in wacky hijinks, Foosball excellence and managing to accidentally save the Universe), I feel I ought to at least meet the man who originated the name. Beyond that, I know he admired my boy Thomas Jefferson, but clearly he didn’t subscribe slavishly to the TJ view of the world, otherwise I don’t think he would have gone in for that whole life-long presidency thing in Bolivia.  He also apparently didn’t think the political environment in South America would sustain a US style democracy, which is fodder for some serious debate and conversation right there (during which I think Kristy would be more adept than I).  But the real reason I want to meet him?  To check and see if he’s anything like he appears in this Hark! A Vagrant comic strip*.

*If you are not reading Hark!  A Vagrant by Kate Beaton, you are missing out big time.  Speaking of people we ought to have coffee with….

Would we drink coffee with Eva Peron?

Kristy: So I’ve been doing a lot of driving lately (with more to come tomorrow).  I’ve found that musicals are the best thing for me to listen to on long car trips because they keep me most alert (I pick parts and sing along) and they make the time pass quickly.  So I’m going to admit right now this was totally inspired by listening to Evita on the way to and from Cammy’s.

But the answer for me is definitely yes.  Much like the musical, I’m not completely sure what I think about Eva Duarte de Peron.  She was a terrible actress and a corrupt politician, but who was she?  As a person.  Sources seem very divided.  I have to admire her ability to climb up from the dregs like she did in the only way available to a woman in her time and place.  So basically, having read and seen so much about her I’d like to have coffee with her just to see what the hell she was really like in person.  I’m just curious.  I honestly don’t see us getting along very well, but I’m sure she knows plenty of ways to gracefully end a coffee date early.

Cammy: I’ll come along, but I can’t say I’m very eager.  I’m mostly tagging along to see if I can see what some of the big deal is….because I’m still not sure I get how it is that the woman is up there with a saint.  It’s one of those things that I’ve been scratching my head over for years.  Might as well see if a one-on-one encounter will shed any light on the situation.  I’m with Kristy on the not getting along well.  I know she and I would be on different pages politically (though it might be interesting to probe the depth of her political beliefs), and I’m  sure not the fashion plate she is.  I think this is one of those coffee get togethers that I’ll be eager to see the end of, if only so Kristy and I can go off and gossip about it later.

So today was one of those Americans-use-a-minor-holiday-in-another-country-as-an-excuse-to-drink days.  My first question is:  why does one need and excuse to drink tequila and eat Mexican food?  I do both on a regular basis.

I was initially going to channel my inner Latin American Studies Major/intellectual snob and give you the real low down on Cinco de Mayo.  But I think there’s plenty of that on the internets already and if you haven’t heard yet, it’s probably because on some level you don’t want to.  So instead, I thought I’d attempt to be amusing.

As mentioned, I was a Latin American Studies Major, so I had to take quite a few Latin American History classes.  Cammy even took one of them with me.  But like all college courses, when you learn that much that quickly, only some of it sticks in your mind.  So nine years after my last Latin American History course, here’s what I took away: (In the horrifying event that any of my Latin American History profs is reading this, this is not actually all I remember, just the high points)

–If you’re going to invade Mexico, don’t go through Veracruz.  You’ll just get yellow fever and die.

–Never try to start a popular uprising in Brazil.  It won’t work out.  At least not in your favor.

–The first president of Chile was named Bernardo O’Higgins.  Un nombre bien espanol!

–Never trust a Basque.

–Obedezco pero no cumplo!  Translation:  The king is too far away to know if I ignore his edicts.

–Why shoot your boyfriend when you can get your dad or your brother to do it for you?

–Killing yourself on the radio is one heck of a way to get yourself remembered.  Except I can’t remember the name of the guy who did it.  I’m reasonably certain it was in Cuba.

–Avoid putting your country near Chile is a bad idea.  They’ll just steal your coastline.

–Speaking of which:  donde estaban los ariquipenos cuando invadieron los chilenos?

–Sometimes the first experience with a corrupt dictator isn’t enough.  So you re-elect them.  Then overthrow them again.

–Where was the Monroe Doctrine when the French came to get their cream puffs back?

–Also, the French are the only people who will invade a country over pastries.

–Paraguay is full of badasses. Or it was.  And that’s why it took Argentina, Brazil, and Uruguay five years to nearly wipe them out.

–Basing your entire economy on sugar is not a great idea.  Diversify and add rum.