It's My TV….It's My Peanut Butter

This time vampire is one that I will never repeat (if I can help it).  Truth be told, I knew it was a bad idea.

Once upon a time, a dude named Kevin Sullivan made two fabulous miniseries portraying much of the Anne of Green Gables series.  It was not completely true to the books, but the creative license taken was forgiveable.

Then came a third series.  We try not to talk about this one.  It diverges to far from the actual books as to make it a travesty.  Rather than use the plethora of material in the books and bring to life the characters we knew and loved, this third installment utterly screwed the timeline (moving Anne a full generation later) and had no characters or plot remotely resembling the real thing.  I own the DVD ONLY because I could not obtain the original two mini-series without it.

So, when I found out that Mr. S was making a prequel to Anne, I knew this would be a train wreck.  After all, the pre-Green Gables period in Anne’s life is summed up in a chapter in Anne of Green Gables and a tiny pilgrimage in Anne of the Island.  In order to build a prequel, we would again be subject to completely non-canon material.

I avoided this one like the plague for several years.  But, when I stumbled on it at the library today, it jumped out at me.  After all, I’d gone through the other travesty and survived.  I might as well complete the full cycle, right?

ZOMG.

WRONG.

The scenery is gorgeous (as one would expect–it’s the same parts of Ontario as featured in prior productions).  And the cast is quite good (Shirley MacLaine is always awesome, of course, but there’s no weak link in the cast–even the kids do a good job).  But no amount of scenery and acting makes up for the weakness in the material.  The timeline is still screwed up, it’s full of anachronisms and multiple key moments in the show are clearly cribbed from either prior Anne series or Jane Eyre.  Even the relationships themselves are clearly shadows of those in the real Anne series (Mrs. Thomas and Anne is a poorly drawn Marilla and Anne).

If I was able to completely set aside everything I know about Anne and treat this as a true stand alone story, it might not be too horrible (other than the anachronisms, but even those could partly be overlooked).  A family-friendly kind of costume drama.  The trouble is, they throw the Anne part in your face so much with those cribbed moments and copied snippets of dialog (and the care to cast the same Mrs. Hammond).  It’s like  Anne is being used as a marketing tool to sell something that someone wasn’t sure would stand up on its own (when, really, without that, it may have done better).

More than two hours hoover’d outta my life to see one of my favorite literary universes subjected to a Mary Sue prequel.  This is to Anne fans what Star Wars I-III were to those of us who grew up in a world that started with Episode IV.

Director: Kevin Lima

Writer: Bill Kelly

Things I liked: It’s a musical. I love musicals. And the songs were fun. Also, pretty costumes. As someone who’s worn a hoopskirt on more than one occasion I loved that they showed the absurd difficulties of getting around in on. Speaking of absurdities, I also enjoyed the way the film points out how irritating charming little moments in fiction would be in real life; making dresses out of curtains, for example. Also, Angela Montenegro sighting at the end!

Things I didn’t like: You cast Idina Menzel in a musical and don’t have her sing? Let me ask that again, you cast Idina Menzel in a musical and don’t have her sing? Tell me there was a song that was cut from this. I actually rather liked her character, and so I guess I’m glad she got a happy ending, but I would have liked to see more of her. Over all, I felt like the film was saying that even modern, independent women are waiting for a prince to come sweep us off our feet. I’m not saying that doesn’t have more truth to it than I’d care to admit, but I’m not sure I cared for it.

Over all: A fun little bit of fluff to watch while cleaning my room, but I’m glad I didn’t spend money on it. Two and a half out of five jars of peanut butter.

Title: The Girl (Original Swedish Title: Flickan) (2009)

Director: Fredrik Edfeldt

Writer: Karin Apphenius

Cinematography: Hoyte Van Hoytrma

I stumbled across this one at my local library.  Having not watched a foreign film in a while, I decided to give it a whirl.  I didn’t really expect much more than a little variety to shake up the string of BBC offerings I’ve been checking out from the library’s DVD section lately.  What I got was a visually beautiful, moving film.

You might notice that I noted the cinematographer above.  That’s because the way this film was beautiful visually.  That’s not to say it was full of sweeping vistas or shiny dance numbers or incredible costumes.  It was the composition of the shots, the way light was captured.  If had a greater experience with visual art, I’d be better at describing it, but the long and short of it is that reading the English subtitles is not the only reason I couldn’t tear my eyes from the screen.

The story follows The Girl (never named), whose parents and brother leave for an African aid mission.  She was supposed to travel with them, but a last minute notification of restrictions due to age (she is 9 and a half) results in The Girl being left at home in the care of a somewhat unstable Aunt Anna.  Singularly unimpressed with this woman-child that she barely knows, The Girl is more than happy when Aunt Anna leaves her alone to go off sailing with a boyfriend.  The Girl begins a summer of freedom.

But, before you start to think this is a summery, Swedish version of Home Alone, be assured, it’s not.  The Girl’s freedom devolves into a loneliness and isolation that comes right up to the borders of madness before a meeting with a stranger pulls her back into society and reality.

And The Girl herself is remarkable.  Little Blanca Engström does a very impressive job of conveying the complex emotions involved in The Girl’s isolation.  She has a unique look with her red hair and skinny form–she stands out in every shot she appears in.  And for such a little girl, she can be intense with just one glance, almost to the point of creepiness.  You really don’t need the subtitles to pick up on the emotions and follow the path of this story.  If this young actress doesn’t do any more movies, we are all losing out, I’m telling you.

By the end of this movie, I had the same kind of feeling I have after reading a really excellent book that I know I’ll never forget even if I never manage to read it again.  Usually I withdraw from foreign films that are too “arty” but in this case, it struck the right chord–stable plot, deep emotion and beautiful shots.  I give it 4.5 out of 5 jars of peanut-butter.

I am a big, big, big fan of The Sound of Music.  The kind of fan who has seen the film over 87 times (I stopped counting when I was about 14…).  A fact that, Kristy does not seem to hold against me, to her extreme credit.

To MY credit, I didn’t go out and buy the 45th Anniversary Blu Ray edition with bells, whistles and schniztel with noodles.  I was tempted, but I hear the 50th anniversary will come with the schnitzel, the noodles, the copper kettle, the woolen mittens, and a brown paper mystery package tied up with string (I’m hoping it will contain a kitten with whiskers).  And, since I’ve already had two different VHS versions (wore one out completely, the other partially) and the 40th anniversary DVD release, I thought I could stand to wait for the big 50.

What I failed to realize was that they also re-released the album.

The album, that, after nearly half a century, finally has my favorite track included.

For years the album to the 1965 movie didn’t have every song.  In most cases, that’s okay, but in this case, it was my favorite that was missing.  I have long had a love for the version of “Edelweiss” that appears first in the movie–as a simple duet with Captain VonTrapp (voiced by Bill Lee–in case you still didn’t realize that wasn’t Christopher Plumber) and Liesel (who really is Charmian Carr, lest the previous parenthetical had you questioning everything)–but it was never on any of the copies I had of the album (I wore out two cassettes).  The only version there was the reprise at the Festival that has the whole fam-damily, a pit orchestra with a bell player who definitely picked up the hard mallets, and half the population of Austria.  The song’s still good, but it’s not the intimate little take that I love from the earlier scene.

When I first got my DVD of the film several years back, I kept saying I would go in and rip that track to an Mp3 for myself so I could finally over-indulge in the good version.  Of course I never got around to that.

But lo, what should appear in the Amazon $5 offering list today?  Is that a different cover to the album I spy?  And, ZOMG, NEW TRACK LISTING?

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.  And he likes the good version of “Edelweiss” too.

But there’s more!  In addition to that, we also get the music to the “Laendler” and the expanded version of the “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” reprise with the opening that I never knew existed until the DVD special features and the music from the interlude…..

Christmas came early for me this year and the hills are definitely alive with the sound of the tracks I’ve been missing….

I’ve had to work most of this holiday.  Other than a reprieve on Thanksgiving itself to cook, eat and sort out holiday music, I’ve basically been plugging away on crap for that thing that pays the bills.

I’ve got the proverbial shit-ton of stuff I need to get done this weekend, but I’ve hit the equally proverbial wall.  Since I’ve been at this for more hours in the day than normal (given that I didn’t have to waste time getting up, getting ready and driving to and from work).  I can’t focus and I need a break.

So I’m throwing a hermit slumber party.

“WTF is that?” you ask.

It’s piling in on the sofa/floor/someplace not your usual bed with a stack of movies, blankets, ample snack-age and decked out in your fuzziest, most childish PJs….without the benefit of friends to keep you company.  With friends, this would just be slumber party, but without them….well, I still choose to view this as a celebratory event, but due to the solitary nature, the term “hermit” comes to mind.

On the one hand, yes, this is sad, pathetic…a total commentary on my social existence right now.  On the other hand, it is really, really uplifting to turn this into a mini-event.  Sure, there’s no one to paint my nails for me, or to play truth or dare….but I also don’t have to deal with drama over choosing the movies and no one will mock me when I continually jump a mile in the air while watching Zombieland, despite having seen it 5 times.  And no one will force me to confess (or do) anything embarrassing.

And on that note, I have to end this:  the oven timer just told me my roasted garbanzo beans are ready (seasoned with garlic and cayenne pepper), and the DVD is queued up to help refresh me on the rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse.

We’re skipping my usual review format, because I’m finding it impossible to sort out my reactions to this film into categories.
Director: Spike Jonze
Writer: Charlie Kaufman
I have mixed feelings about the opening sequence; I get it was setting the theme for the whole puppetry idea, but something about it didn’t quite work.
I had a very odd moment when Craig first falls out of Malkovich’s head; he stands up and sees the World Trade Center towers. I realize this had very little meaning at the time, but for me… it was a long time since I’d seen that skyline.
It’s convenient how Craig’s first trip into Malkovich’s head involves a discussion about who John Malkovich is. But I’ll concede that one to exposition.
I remember at the time everyone being gaga over Cameron Diaz’s “transformation” in the film, but I didn’t really see it. Please note, Hollywood: a pretty girl in a bad wig is still a pretty girl. On the other hand, I didn’t even recognize John Cusack for most of the film.
Craig’s conversation with Maxine about his first trip to Malkovich’s head really captures the absurdity of the whole concept.
Looking back now, it’s really funny that the person Malkovich goes to see for help is Charlie Sheen.
Okay, so over all, this movie just made me feel like I needed to take a shower. The Netflix sleeve said something about raising questions about the nature of identity and consciousness. What about the nature of rape? Because I realize there’s probably no case law about it, but I’m fairly certain stealing someone’s body for the expressed purposes of having sex in it would fall under most definitions of rape. And that took me right out of the movie. Yes, I realize it’s all metaphorical and blah, blah, blah. I’m just not comfortable with rape being used as a plot device in this way and never acknowledged as such. It just really disturbed me. And not in the ways I think it was supposed to.
Rating: One and three quarters jars of peanut butter.

The Official Story (La historia oficial) (1985)

Director: Luis Puenzo

Writers: Aida Bortnik and Luis Puenzo)

As I’m trying to clear out my Netflix queue before I cancel service this week, I’m trying to zip through the large quantity of foreign films I had added.  With time running out, I no longer slog through a movie that’s not worth it.  If it’s a dud, I kill it when I’ve had enough, ditch it from the queue and move on.

The Official Story?  Very much NOT a dud.

The film–made in 1985–revolves around the aftermath of the Dirty War.  The fairly affluent high school history teacher Alicia begins to suspect that her (adorable) adopted daughter Gaby may have been stolen from one of the thousands of “desaparacidos“–political dissidents who were “disappeared” between 1976 and 1983 by a repressive military junta in Argentina (estimates vary from 9000 to 30,000).  Her suspicions begin with the dissatisfied grumblings of the students she’s teaching, unhappy with the sanitized history in the text books, and only grows when her class reunion brings a long-absent friend, Ana back into her life.  In a wine-soaked evening of girl-talk and catching up, Ana reveals that her disappearance years ago was not at all voluntary.  As Ana recounts the stories of kidnapping, torture and prisoners whose infant children were taken, Alicia begins to wonder exactly what the circumstances were under which her suspiciously well-connected husband obtained their now 5 year old daughter.  As Alicia presses to learn more, her husband Roberto’s connections are collapsing and the entire situation blows up in a violent confrontation prompted by Gaby’s absence and Alicia’s accusing question “how does it feel not knowing where your child is?”

It helped that I was familiar with some of the history of the Dirty War, but it’s not necessary.  Alicia–like many Argentinians at the time–didn’t really know the depth of what had happened during those years.  If you walk in ignorant of the history, it’s okay, because the whole movie allows you to learn right along with Alicia.

And even if you want to set aside the value of the subject matter, it’s just a well put together movie.  Norma Aleandro (who, incidentally, I learned was exiled from Argentina during the military junta period for her left wing views, and only returned in 1982 when the junta fell), gives an absolutely fantastic performance as Alicia.  You don’t need any Spanish vocabulary at all to get the weight of what this woman is going through.  And some of the well-played parallels (Ana’s story, followed by what happens on Gaby’s birthday;  the story with which Alicia opens the movie, coupled with the ending with Gaby in the rocker….).

Even the thing that initially had me giggling–the painfully 1980s look (honestly, I kept thinking I was going to see Bruce Willis and Cybil Sheppard cruising in the BMW blasting “Beat It” with MacGyver clinging to the roof)–turned to something more sobering.  The kid in question, Gaby, is my age.  The desaparecidos (including ones like Sara’s daughter) are my parents’ age.  It’s not that I didn’t know this logically from reading articles and that one Latin American history class I took, but the nostalgia I felt at seeing the fashion and decor added a whole new level of concreteness to the situation.  It also brings home that this movie was made so incredibly close to what happened.  The junta fell in 1982.  This film came out in 1985.  You can’t tell me that wasn’t a raw wound at the time.

All in all, I give this five full jars of peanut butter.  Highly recommend this one, and I will definitely watch it again (and special note to Kristy and Mary–you should watch this one if you haven’t already).

Being Julia (2004)

Director: István Szabó

Writers: W. Somerset Maugham (novel) Ronald Harwood (screenplay)

Things I liked:  Michael Gambon as a ghost/Julia’s conscience.  I also really enjoyed Julia’s assistant (Juliet Stevenson).  The two of them made the movie for me.  At some point when I wasn’t paying attention I started sympathizing with Julia more than I had before; when Avice auditioned I wanted her to be dreadful because I didn’t want her to be a worthy rival any more than Julia did.  The scene where Roger tells his mother how artificial he thinks she is was one of the most moving scenes of the film.  My favorite part of the scene where Julia upstages Avice was the little smile Roger gave when he realized exactly what his mother was doing.  This real enough for you, kid?

Things I didn’t like: It’s always problematic when you have stage acting scenes in a film because it’s hard to distinguish the “on stage” acting with the acting that the actors are doing in the movie.  Also, of course, acting styles change.  So having acknowledged that, I’m going to say that based on the scenes of Julia acting, it’s hard to believe that she’s the successful actress she is.  Not that Avice seemed much better.  Shaun Evans’s American accent is very inconsistent.  Not Cary Elwes bad, but close.

Over all thoughts:  I was really kinda meh about the whole thing.  It wasn’t a bad movie, I just didn’t care for it that much.  I don’t feel like watching it was a waste of my time, but I don’t feel the inclination to watch it again.

Rating: Two and a half jars of peanut butter

Some of you may remember that we here at MTVMPB do, on occasion, hand out our own awards for the less-recognized aspects of film and television.  Things that even MTV doesn’t bother to recognize.  These awards have nothing to do with new releases–any work is eligible whenever we damn well make it so.  On the list of elements we choose to recognize is the “Worst American Accent”–an award meant to honor those from outside the US who try and utterly fail to imitate one of our many native accents.

We usually refer to this as the “Cary Elwes Award” as his work in Twister was what inspired this particular category.  While he still reigns as the only winner in the Feature Film sub-category, we are honored to finally recognize another outstandingly bad attempt to sound American, this time in the sub-category of “Miniseries.”

A truly realistic Southern drawl may be something easily conjured for the purposes of a quick, mocking comedic impression, however the convincing level of execution needed for a dramatic miniseries is far more of a challenge.  After all, Southern accents come in so many subtle variations from sweet seductive drawl of a Georgia peach, to the piquant twang of Central Texas.  It’s no wonder that so many fail in the attempt to pull this off.

But few have failed in a manner as epic as Miranda Otto in the BBC miniseries The Way We Live Now.

Holy.  Shitballs.

Don’t get us wrong, we’re Miranda Otto fans around here.  She rocked the Rohan thing when she played everyone’s favorite shieldmaid, Eowyn in the Lord of the Rings films.  Sure, we wanted to see more with her and Faramir in the Houses of Healing, but we were all pretty damn happy to cheer at “I am no man!” when she sent that Nazgul back to meet his maker.  And beyond that, she was also great in comedies like Danny Deckchair.  Seeing her name in the opening credits for this miniseries seemed like a fantastic sign for what lay ahead.

Until she opened her mouth.

Oh, for the love of all that is holy.

It’s clear it’s supposed to be Southern, but it’s so fake, so generically over-the-top that it is literally painful to hear.  And it’s sad, because the character to which she’s attaching this audiological abomination is actually an interesting character (two words: pistol. packing.).  The acting is great, it’s just that the accent with which the lines are delivered completely throws one out of the moment.  And also, it makes me feel….bad.

Which is why it deserves an award.  If it’s going to be that awful, we’re going to turn it into something positive by pinning an honor on it.  Woohoo!

So, for “Worst American Accent in a Miniseries” we salute Miranda Otto.  Now go find the vocal coach who trained you on that and pinch him/her on the arm.  Hard.

So Netflix recommended this one to me (presumably because I watched D.E.B.S and But I’m a Cheerleader) and I went ahead and added it to my cue.  Mostly because of the name.  Not gonna lie.  As someone who was an officer in the Itty Bitty Titty Committee until just a few years ago, I was intrigued.  Yeah… seems that recommendation was off base, but we’ll get to that.

Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Director:  Jamie Babbit

Writers:  Jamie Babbit, Andrea Sperling, Tina Mabry, Abigail Shafran

There really wasn’t a whole lot I liked about this movie, so we’re just going the running commentary route.

I didn’t care for the opening credits—they didn’t seem to connect to the rest of the film.  Yes, they used some similar camera work in montages later in the movie, but I didn’t like those either.  It didn’t really harmonize with the film or contrast in any interesting manner.

I really dislike the character of Sadie; to some extent I don’t think we’re supposed to like her.  But we should at least find her appealing in some way so that we get why Anna likes her—I don’t.  Yeah, she’s hot, but not really hot enough to make up for her being an annoying manipulative bitch.

Speaking of Anna, she annoyed the crap out of me.  The whole thing with her sister’s wedding… her family is not unreasonable.  It’s not unreasonable for her sister to want her maid-of-honor at the bridal shower.  Shuli’s annoyance with her was justified.  And I’m not sure if the film wanted me to feel that way or not.

I practically cheered out loud when Anna said she was an idiot.  And yet she still goes chasing after Sadie.  After fucking Aggie and saying it meant nothing right in front of him when he obviously felt differently.  It was hard to feel bad for her when she kept making stupid decisions over and over again.  She did look beautiful with pink in her hair.

The bedroom scene with Sadie and Courtney was surprisingly moving.  Somehow the movie which had not given us any glimpse of Courtney as a rounded character up to that moment made me feel a lot of sympathy for her.  And made me hate Sadie even more, which was probably a bad idea.

The moment where Anna walked out on her job should have been kind of triumphant when instead all I could think was, “Honey, this is really not the thing you need to fix most in your life.” (But hey, Melanie Lynskey cameo!)(Also Jimmi Simpson (of D.E.B.S. and Psych fame) cameo!)

I feel obligated to mention the cameo by Cady Huffman, the least offensive of the three Dr. Paige Millers (One Life to Live).

Damn it, I was so mad that after suddenly growing a backbone Anna took Sadie back at the end.  I know this was supposed to be a happy thing, but I wasn’t feeling it.

This movie is an interesting parallel to Real Women Have Curves.  Both are about recent high school grads named Anna.  Who have successful sisters.  Who are Latina and live in California.  The title of one tells us it’s okay to have curves and the title of the other tells us it’s okay to not have curves (though the protagonist does).  With this in mind it’s interesting to see what the film does differently than RWHC (which I like, but don’t love).  This one never deals explicitly with Anna’s ethnicity—which is fine.  Actually, in some ways it’s kind of nice to have a movie where a character can just be Latina without making a thing of it.  On the other hand, in a film with so many political overtones it might have been nice to acknowledge it.

Rating: One and a half jars of peanut butter