Awards Night!

Most embarrassing vocal performance in a motion picture

To paraphrase Tolstoy, good vocal performances are all alike.  Every bad vocal performance is bad in its own way.  Most of them can fall into a couple of larger groups:

1.  Those that don’t know how bad they are.
2.  Those who know that they’re bad, but simply hope you won’t figure it out.
3.  Those who know they’re bad and therefore make it into a gag.

The third group is the least offensive and embarrassing; we don’t mind you not having talent as long as you know you don’t have talent.  The first variety makes you look stupid.  The second makes it look like you think we’re stupid.  Tonight’s winner falls into the second category.

We give this award for “Most Embarrassing Vocal Performance in a Motion Picture” to Pierce Brosnan for his humiliating vocal performance in Mama Mia!

Now let’s be honest, that movie (which I love, don’t get me wrong) was clearly cast based on acting ability, name recognition, and looks.  Vocal ability wasn’t much of a consideration, I’d guess.  Which I don’t necessarily like, but I can live with.  But there is such a thing as vocal dubbing.  What happened to the days when they just let Marni Nixon sing for everyone?  (Okay, she might not have been a great choice here).  Most of the singing in this film is less than great.

But something about Mr. Brosnan’s performance just makes me really uncomfortable.  Because you can see in his face that he knows it’s not good and he’s just trying to get through without too much of his soul dying.  And outside of the singing, I thought he was good in this film.  But… This man was James Bond, for Pete’s sake.  And the motion picture industry already put him through costarring with Talent Free Denise Richards, was this indignity necessary?

So Pierce Brosnan, we love you, but we have to give you this award.  At least something can now come of that embarrassing performance.