It's My TV….It's My Peanut Butter

No, not really, but…

Film: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Directed by: Steven Spielberg

Writers: Jeffrey Boam (screenplay); George Lucas and Menno Meyjes (story); George Lucas and Philip Kaufman (characters)

What I particularly liked: They almost lost me with the opening sequence because I was sitting there thinking, “Wait!  They’re not starting with a scene of Indy being a badass archeologist?  WTF?” But then I realized that it was a scene of Indiana being a badass archeologist, he was just an adolescent badass archeologist, and then it was okay.  I liked that so much of the opening sequence was basically a collage of cheeky references to who Indy is today.  In particular, the shot of young Indy reaching for the cross was so reminiscent of a shot at the beginning of the first film that if there was any doubt in your mind as to what this sequence was establishing, now you knew.  Along the same lines, when Indy identified an image as the Ark of the Covenant and Ilsa said, “Are you sure?”  Indy’s, “I’m sure” with that look on his face.  Priceless.  Speaking of Ilsa, I’m going to put her in the middle of the love interests so far.  Marion she wasn’t, and I wasn’t broken up about it when she died.  Except that I kept thinking, if only the chick from the second movie (whose name I have deliberately blocked out) could have died instead.  I’d have preferred to watch her die.  I’d have giggled like a school girl watching her die.  I guess Ilsa had to die for being morally questionable, interesting moral implications.  It makes me happy that this movie would have me believe that somewhere in Europe on some random back road is a sign with one arrow pointing to Berlin and one pointing towards Venice.  I’m going to choose to believe it’s real.  It’s cheesy, but I enjoyed the whole moment where everyone is looking down at where Indy “died” while he climbs up unseen, then looks down with them.  It was amusing.  This movie provides the perfect display of why it’s good I’m not a parent.  You know that bit where Dr. Jones, Sr. says, “You left just as you were becoming interesting.”  Yeah, I’d totally be *that* parent.

Speaking of the dialogue—better than Temple of Doom, definitely.  I think slightly below Raiders but I’d have to do a better side by side comparison to make sure.

Because it should not be overlooked:  Sean Connery!

In honor of my medieval lit prof I have to admit to lots of nerdy excitement that on the table with all the “grails” there were a bunch of big shallow dishes.  Why is this awesome?  In the medieval French where the phrase san graal is first used “graal” means roughly “casserole dish.”  (Kiss my part time medievalist ass, Dan Brown!)

Also not to be overlooked:  Petra!  Can I tell you how much I want to see Petra?

What I particularly disliked: Now this, I think, is a complaint I wouldn’t be making if I’d seen it on the big screen, but I thought the opening had spent too much time focusing on the landscape.  It was probably stunning in theaters, but on my laptop, it didn’t have any impact at all.  I know I’ve seen bits of this movie before, so that might be why I knew from the moment she appeared that Ilsa was evil, but I think I’d have figured it out anyway.  It would have been nice if they’d at least tried to make it a surprise.  Her kissing with Indy was surprisingly awkward and not hot.  I got no sexual chemistry between them at all, which I guess could have been them hinting she was faking, but which I’m more inclined to think was poor direction and acting.  A personal pet peeve—Ilsa’s elaborate hairstyle.  At least it was pulled back and out of her face most of the time, but seriously?  Who takes the time to do fancy things with your hair when you’re traveling around the world, looking for sacred artifacts, shagging archeologists and helping plots for world domination?  A simple bun or ponytail would have sufficed.

My inner obnoxious anthropologist is going to come out for a second and dispute some of Indy’s lecture.  I don’t believe that 70% of archeology is in libraries.  At least 40% of it is in labs (I know, I used to work in one) I’m not an archeologist, but I’d guess the balance was more like 30% libraries, 40% labs, 20% grant applications and 10% actual digging.  Okay, you’re right, at least 40% of the time is grant applications/schilling for cash.  Fun times kids!  Become an archeologist.  You get to use ground penetrating radar, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.  Also, this always seems to be the case in films, but why did Indy’s lecture sound like it was just starting right when it ended?  No one seems able to write a lecture that truly sounds as though it was joined en medias res.

Sometimes the emotional content didn’t resonate.  There was a moment, after Senior uses birds to crash the plane and then quotes Charlemagne (let this be a lesson kids:  Always have a Charlemagne quote handy).  The camera zoomed in on Indy’s face and he clearly seemed to be having some kind of emotional moment, but I’m not quite sure what it was all about.

I think I’ve made this complaint with every film, but I if George Lucas was in my intro composition class, I’d constantly be telling him to narrow his focus.  There was so much going on, so much country hopping.  It didn’t have quite the pacing issue that Raiders had, but it could use some streamlining and unifying.

Over all, I liked it.  I just didn’t like it quite as much as I wanted to considering it combined three of my favorite things:  archeology, medieval legends, and Sean Connery.

Call me a product of my generation, but I’m a chronic multi-tasker.  I can’t watch television or movies without doing something else.  I’m always cleaning, working out, crocheting, or writing blog entries that should have been up hours ago.  Which means I wind up listening to more than I “watch.”  Which is maybe where this list comes from.  Or maybe I just like guys with nice voices.  Who knows?  This is my personal list, not a collective production of It’s my TV, It’s My Peanut Butter.  While they’re fairly consistently my top five, the order shifts around a bit depending on my mood.  Note these are speaking voices, not singing voices.  That’s a whole other list.

1.  Avery Brooks. It is a travesty beyond travesties that StarTrek: Deep Space Nine did not have a voice over in the opening credits.  Yes, it would have been awkward to rework the whole thing from the first two Trek series so that it was about a thing that stays put instead of has voyages to seek out new life and new civilizations and yadda, yadda.  But seriously?  They wasted the opportunity to have that voice sensuously intoning whatever over dramatic music and pretty images of space.  He could have been reading a recipe for marzipan and I guarantee you female viewership would have gone up.  I’m a weirdo among Trekkies in that DS9 may well be my favorite series (again, depends on the day, sometimes its TNG.  Note I waited till Cammy was out of the country to say that because she considers it a sacrilege.) and while Picard was clearly the best “captain” I think it’s undeniable that Sisko was the bigger badass.  And the voice was a big part of it.  I generally feel like DS9 should have ended a season earlier than it did, but season 7 has avoided being stricken from my memory for two things.  One of those is Sisko singing.  The other is a pair of white baseball pants.  If you’ve seen them, they need no explanation (no, they aren’t on Sisko).

2.  Sean Connery. Yeah, I’m a sucker for the accent.  And the attitude.  And the being that damned hot while being old enough to collect social security (or whatever the Brits have).  Admittedly Saturday Night Lives Sean Connery parody has become almost indistinguishable from the real thing in my mind, but whatever.  Favorite line ever?  A strange choice:  “If I have to wear a suit, she has to wear a bra” from Playing by Heart.  A line that would not be nearly so funny in any other voice.

3.  James Earl Jones. Do I need to explain this one?  Didn’t think so.

4.  Carlo Rota. Yeah, it’s the accent thing again.  And the tone.  Cammy was really the one to point this out to me, but I would listen to this man read the phone book for hours.  Physically, he doesn’t do much for me.  But that voice?  Mmmmm…. Momma like!  And if I could get him to say one one of those Yassir-isms to me like “My flower” or something, I could die a happy woman.

5.  Jeremy Irons. Another accent.  Yes, it’s a theme. I’m okay with it.  I’ll admit it was The Lion King that introduced me to him.  He is deliciously evil sounding.  My friend Megan once said, “Evil looks good.  It’s kind of the whole point of evil.”  Let me tell you, evil sounds good too.  But he sounds good as a good guy too.  I melt every time I watch The Mission.  Every time he says that line about “If you’re right, and might makes right, then love has no place in this world.  And it may be so, it may be so.  But I can’t live in a world like that, Rodrigo.”  I become a puddle.  I know, it’s a well written line and would take an idiot to fuck it up, but Mr. Irons knocks it out of the park.

6.  Antonio Banderas. BONUS!  Because I left him off my list and can’t believe it.  But can’t bring myself to bump anyone either.  Yes, another accent.  At least I have variety in my accents.  But damn!  His accent is intermittently delectable and hysterical.  And by hysterical I mean listen to his version of “Oh What a Circus” and hear how he says “hysterical.”  Make sure you aren’t drinking anything.