I may have mentioned on this blog before that I get irrationally angry when guys tell me that I’m beautiful. I’ve been told this is because I’m a head case. While I won’t deny that as a factor, the real reasons are this: 1) I’m not. I’m not a dog, but I also don’t turn heads. And I’m fine with this. So while it’s one thing to tell me I look particularly good on a given day or in a given outfit, if you just say it indiscriminately it makes me think you’re a liar. And not even a particularly good one. And you probably want something. 2) I’m really fine with not being beautiful. I accepted my average appearance a long time ago and comforted myself with the fact that I’m possibly smarter than the average human and definitely make better sorbet than the average human. It all balances out. At the end of the day, I’m not sure how important I think looks are. But when you go on and on about my looks, it makes it clear that looks are that important to you. Which is a turn off. 3) Frankly, it makes for very boring conversation.
The other factor, which I’m not sure I was totally aware of until today, is that most guys don’t know how to deliver a compliment like this. I realized this when a colleague managed to pay me such a compliment today without pissing me off. Here’s how he did it:
Dude: [relevant conversation about our department]
Me: [responds to question about course requirements]
Dude: [mentions theoretical concept he’s dealing with]
Me: [responds with how it relates to my research]
Dude: By the way, your hair is beautiful. [return to stimulating academic conversation]
See what he did there? Made a specific, relevant, believable comment (I’ll admit it was a good hair day. And I have purple streaks in my hair. All folklorists love purple), but did not allow the conversation to turn shallow. Did not go on and on as if he feels like my self-esteem hangs or should hang on how he feels about my appearance. Did not, make it sound as though it’s the only thing he noticed or valued about me.
Now before anyone thinks I’m turning in my membership card to the permanently single women’s club, I’m fairly certain he’s not actually interested. And I’m not sure I would be if he was. But I will admit to you right now, that one little comment, thrown in there over the course of normal, grad student conversation kind of made my day. And it was kind of hot. Not gonna lie.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you tell a woman she’s beautiful.
