Wobbly Shoes

I’m in the market for a new pair of sneakers.  My current pair are pretty slick on the bottom and grass stained on the top.  I mentioned this to someone this week and they started in on how I have to get those new Reeboks with the “balance balls to help your butt!”

Eh?

Okay, first of all, yeah, my butt’s nothing to write home about, but it’s not like I need to be reminded of the fact so, thanks a lot.

Second, balance balls?  I’m going to assume we’re not talking about the chair-sized rubber ball I sometimes use to exercise.

So, since I used to like Reeboks, I thought I’d try to figure out what the heck this person had been talking about.  As it happened, I caught an ad on TV before I had a chance to google this.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

So, these shoes?  Apparently they’re not flat on the bottom.  They have rounded lumps you have to balance on.  The theory is that as you struggle to keep your balance on these bizarre devices, you work extra muscles (apparently in your ass).

I swear I’m going to try these on just to see if I have to sign a waiver to do it, because that sounds like a lawsuit in the making.  I mean, usually the goal with sneakers is to try to find shoes that won’t screw with your balance.  Even when we women go for those insane high-heels the ultimate goal really isn’t to throw ourselves off balance (it’s an unfortunate side effect which we’re just as happy to avoid).  When you’re talking about comfy shoes that you actually do things in like walking and jogging?  Seriously, that’s not just ill advised, it’s potentially dangerous.

I fall enough independently.  And if fighting to maintain one’s balance was the path to a nice ass, I should look like bloody J-Lo.  Although possibly the part where I continually land flat on my ass is destroying any progress….

I think I’ll just go back to my usual plain ol’ sneakers that don’t accelerate me falling down.

And I’ll live with my butt just like is.