Literary Drinking Games

This weekend friend of the blog Teapot sent Cammy and I a link to an Anne of Green Gables drinking game.  Score!  Now said drinking game is based on the television mini-series, but it got me thinking.  Why aren’t there drinking games for books?  I know, I know, there’s a limit to how much most of us can drink before we lose the ability to read, but think how much more fun it could make certain literary works up to that point?  Reading the English translation of Torn from the Nest would have been so much more pleasant if I’d gotten to take a sip of alcohol every time a certain character said, “Frankly.”  Granted, I also might have wound up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning… But you get the point.

For example, I’m taking a semester long course on Spenser’s The Faerie Queene right now (something which I’m generally regretting) and alcohol would make the experience so much less tedious.  We could drink every time there word “Phoebus” appears.  Every time there’s a random procession.  Every time you have to stop and take an Excedrin because your head hurts from getting hit over the head with the symbolism.  Every time Spenser is clearly winching about Queen Elizabeth I not giving him that promotion he wanted…

Pride and Prejudice:  Every time someone tries to blatantly prostitute their children.  Twice if it’s someone other than Mrs. Bennett.

Moby Dick:  Every time there’s a chapter on the intricacies of the whaling industry without a shred of plot.

Tristes Tropiques:  Every time for no discernable reason Lévi-Strauss starts talking about a completely different geographical location.

The Fountainhead:  Every time someone tries to act like rape is part of a normal, passionate relationship.  (I personally need a whole shot every time that happens).

Hamlet:  Every time there’s a sly reference to Hamlet and Ophelia getting it on.

Song of Roland/any Charlemagne romance:  Every time Roland acts like a dumb jock.

Seriously, I think I’m on to something here.  This could revolutionize lit classes…  And actually get undergrads to read!

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