Dear Joggers

Dear People Who Love to Run and Jog,

I do not want to be one of you.

I’m not saying you’re bad people, or that there is something inherently wrong in your choice of exercise.  What I’m saying is I DO NOT WANT TO RUN, so QUIT BUGGING ME.

Look, I know you get all endorphin-high when you and your Adidas become one with the pavement for extended periods.  In a way, I envy you your ability to get that kind of nirvana.  I also envy you the tremendous calorie burn resulting from your efforts.  But I don’t envy a lot of the other crap (aching muscles, abused joints…), and no matter how awesome you say it is, I’m no going to join you.  I’ve run plenty of times in the past and not once did I achieve any state of nirvana or even just liking of the experience.  And even if I did, I have a bum ankle and a knee that’s going the way of the dodo.  For the knee my doctor specifically suggested I not run, but walk instead because it’s easier on the joints and just as beneficial.  For the ankle, well, I’ve played this game:  Ankle goes, Cammy falls.  Falling hurts.  Falling while running hurts more.

And since these reasons seem not to dissuade you from continuing to pressure me when a simple “No” really ought to suffice, let me volley some TMI and semi-mean comments:  You long-distance running freaks?  Yeah, I’ve never met one of you with the boob problem.  Even when I DID run back in junior high track, I can now confirm through photographic evidence, that I still had boobs.  My girls don’t shrink when I exercise a lot.  They just remain obnoxious and in the way.  Running with the girls HURTS, damnit.   The visual on that movement is really not what I want people to see–it’s embarrassing.  Sports bras are less than effective for the busty set.  Believe me, I’m still on a quest for one that works well.

I can get my exercise zen in other ways, thanks.  Yoga, cycling, walking.  I can get my heart rate up and sweat doing any of those.  They work for me.  Running doesn’t.

I fully appreciate your freedom to choose to exercise (or not exercise) in whatever way you see fit.  I wish you would grant me the same courtesy.




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