Foreign Objects (aka Alien Tracking Devices)

It’s always a little unsettling to find foreign objects in your body. And yes, I say “always” because it’s happened more than once. I’ve had the not-so-unusual finding grains of sand and gravel in places you recently had scrapes, that’s not too bad, but twice I’ve had slightly more dramatic findings.

The first was about ten years ago. I’d had this bump on the outside of my foot for years. No clue when it first appeared. I never thought much about it; feet are bumpy, it was just a bump on my foot. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all, except it was a little pinchy. Not all the time, but when shoes rubbed it I would get this minor pinching sensation. Again though, never really thought about it. I figured it was a vein that stuck out and maybe there was a nerve there… what do I know.

One night I was putting lotion on my feet before bed (something I do every night) and when I raised my hands up, one was covered in blood. That did seem odd. So I looked—again, this is on the outside of my foot and since my legs are naturally turned out, it’s not an easy place to see. I could see a little cut though and thought there might be something poking out of it. I pressed the skin on one side and whatever it was poked out further. That did not seem normal. So I went and got the tweezers and pulled it out. Once I had the blood cleaned off of it, it was a thin shard of glass about half an inch to three-quarters of an inch long. I have no clue how it got in my foot or how long it had been there. Long enough I had grown numb to how uncomfortable my shoes were, because when I put shoes on the next morning it was like heaven all of a sudden.

Okay, but glass in your foot makes a certain amount of sense. It happens.

Last week I found a foreign object in my shin. I’d had this little red spot there for a couple weeks. I thought at first I’d cut myself shaving and then I decided maybe it was an ingrown hair. It kept getting progressively irritated and eventually it became clear it was infected. One morning I sterilized a sewing needle and drained it, but a few hours later it was full of puss again. So I went to drain it again, trying to be extra thorough and I noticed there appeared to be something inside the wound. I honestly thought it was just more puss, so I squeezed and something popped out.

My use of the word “something” here is deliberate, because I still don’t know what it was. It was thin and about a quarter inch long. It looked like a bit of wood or fabric or something. No clue how it got there or how long it had been there.

My best guess is it was an alien tracking device, which now has me stressed out because Agent Scully got cancer when she had hers taken out.

Humorous epilogue: I’m a folklorist. I have friends that study alien abductions. The night after this happened I was telling one of said friends about what had happened and she soberly asked, “Can I have it?” I explained I’d thrown it away, and she seriously contemplated coming over and going through my bathroom trash to retrieve it. Sanity prevailed when I told her it didn’t really look like alien technology.

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